.: day three :.

tied tight.

"love me.
hold me -
but not too
tight.
can a heart still
love
when its
suffocated?"

.: day two :.

thy goal is nigh.

"reach;
till no limit lowers you.
till no boundaries bind you.
till no cage commands you.
till no tie tethers you.
reach;
and wings will grow to take
you higher."

. fire in the hole .

Me and my buddy Ash were standing by the roadside minding our own business. It did not faze us that the whole place was in chaos; like there was a war going on. People were running past us and cars coming up slowly behind them. They were normal cars but the drivers looked like soldiers. Ash and I were against the war movement on this once peaceful place.

Strangely there was a table where we were standing around and on the table were scattered bullets, but no guns. Without thinking I just took a bullet and flung it with all my might into the window shield of the car driving towards us. The bullet went straight through the glass as if I shot it out of a rifle, but it hit the passenger seat and not the driver.

At first nothing happened, and the soldier/driver looked a bit stunned... then suddenly BOOM! The car exploded, we think because of that bullet. We couldn't believe it! Ash says to me, “Do that again!” and I couldn't agree more with the idea. Another car approached and I took another bullet and swung it the same way as the first. The second bullet took a longer time to explode, “Waaaiiiit for iiiit...” BOOOOM!!!

I had only taken two out of the scattered lot but the next thing I knew they were gone and what was left were these bigger bullets, about the size of my thumb, which you could unscrew it in half and inside I saw was gunpowder. Curious, I screwed it back tight and began rubbing it in between my palms. It was getting hotter and hotter in my hands and I remember saying, “Now this could be interesting..”


I woke up before I could blow shit up with that gun powder bullet. Dangit! I should tell Ash about this Dream and see her reaction. I bet she'd say, "Lets do that for reals one day!" XD

.: day one :.

tea party.

"when i brew my pot of tea,
its always tea for two.
your chair is always before me.
still empty and covered with grime.
nevertheless i fill your cup,
in case you make it this time."

. gone wildcat .

It was a normal drive with my mom, with me in the passenger's seat when suddenly this jerk-of-a-driver came out from where he shouldn't have been and almost caused a collision between us and another car. When we all stopped in the middle of it all, as apparently he got banged up at the front, we got out of our cars and he starts blaming my mom! Of all the nerve!

Then of course to defend mom, I lash out to the guy but I couldn't talk. All the words out of my mouth sounded like snarling, gnashing and savage growling. I didn't grow fur though so I didn't change into a werewolf. But I felt so angry and that's what happened. Even my nails felt like claws and they were sharp – Because I started scraping away the guy's paint job. MAN was he pissed after that. I laughed.

After that he was going out for me and my mom (with a few friends, I forgot) but we were in trouble. To hide my mom from danger I took her by the hand and leapt over the jigsaw puzzle of cars and back onto the road. I felt like I was gliding on the road; that feeling when you're not really flying but your feet aren't touching the ground either.

Then we got to some busy streets (which looked like my old neighborhood Datuk Keramat) and I hid us in a narrow alleyway, until the heat died off. But it looks like we didn't wait long enough cus when we got out of the alleyway, the guy chased us to the neighborhood in his car. This time he had a woman in his passenger's seat, don't know why.

Before he even got out of the car, he pulled down his windows and thrashed us verbally again. I argued with him and I still sound like a beast or a wildcat or some sort. I couldn't stand him anymore so I walked up to the car and smashed his back seat window with my bare hand. And before he got the chance to get out, I actually picked the car up and flung it into the sky. That part was fun but then I felt tired after all that fighting. Mom helped me up.


I really felt like I turned into a werewolf. That would have been pretty fun cus I haven't been one yet, in my Dreams.

. pokemon eater .

I'm at home and for some reason I wake up in my parents room. In the darkness I notice something shuffling about but I'm not scared. Not even when the thing reached out for me with its thin, bone like fingers. The figure becomes clearer and asks, “Ey, remember me?” it cackles. “No, not really.” I reply with slight disgust because of what the figure was.

It had the face and head of a woman but her body ended just below the shoulders. After that there was nothing but spider legs. She wasn't one bit scary; just eerie to look at. In the dream I was a little angered by her because apparently she likes to eat Pokemons.

She even showed me a chart of Pokemons she said she intended to eat. There were about 5 or 6 vertical branches with 5 Pokemon pictures on each branch. Each vertical line represented the types there were. Like water, earth, rock, fire, air and psychic Pokemons. Not only that, “You eat RARE Pokemons?” I asked.

“That's right~”

“Too bad you haven't gotten an Evie though.”

“So true. Evie's are delicious, no matter what form they take~”

I have no idea why I was having this conversation with her/it.


If you have no idea what Pokemon is/are, you're a sad, sad person. There was actually more to this Dream but I woke up a few times and I can't remember anything else.

. 16.09.09 up for a swim? .

Ok I'm back at my school and for some reason the frog creatures from the anime Sergeant Keroro are here. I like the show. It's pretty funny and I know Keroro likes gundam models so in the dream I tricked him saying, “Look! There's a poor gundam strapped to that car! It's being pulled away!” and he goes running after the imaginary car. I walk away laughing.

But I turn round and he's after me, crying and swinging a short katana blade at me, “You tricked me! How could you! For that you must pay!” it wasn't scary when he said it but I enjoyed the chase. We're still in the school compound.

I'm going down the stairs that lead to the carpark and I see my friend Ash! She looked a little sad, waiting for her mom to pick her up maybe, I thought. Immediately I went over and hugged her tight!! Aah, she looked happier after that. Suddenly the carpark changed into a swimming pool. A big one. Dee appeared out of nowhere and invited us for a swim.

We were going into the pool with some other girlfriends and this one guy was sitting on the sidelines. I think he was an old friend of ours. He didn't swim but just watched as all us girls in our swimsuits got into the pool. We wanted to race eachother.

When the race started, instead of racing I kind of swam awkwardly and went to the bottom of the pool thinking of the strange things I could find. Dee caught up with me, “You silly duckling! You're supposed to race!”

“But I wanted to collect those things at the bottom down there! Wanna see what I can find!”

She kept calling me silly and we started splashing each other and wrestling in the water. Because of our silliness, the boy outside the pool was laughing. He looked handsome when he laughed.

After the swim, I don't know how we dried off so fast, we met up with Zim, Sano and DJ who were sitting in that order at a picnic table. We sat opposite them and we started talking and laughing like old times. I remembered the conversation earlier but now I've forgotten. We were making fun of Dee's keys or handphone... something like that.

But I had fun swimming in a dream pool. It felt so real even though I could breath underwater.


And I do believe this is the first time I've swam in my dream and not feel scared of what was going to reach out from under my feet. That's the only reason I don't like getting into the ocean... all those creepy fish trying to nip at my feet.

.: my music video :.

Hey there ladies and gents. Hope you've been having fun reading the mush that comes from my brain. You know, if YOU have had some weird ones yourself and blogged bout it, I'd love a link and I'll give you a visit :)

For today I'd like to share a little music video I made myself. Used Taylor Swift's song 'Today was a Fairytale' and drew all the pictures for the video so as you can see I put in a whole lot of effort in it. I would love to hear feedback C: Pls and Tq

The characters are from my original comic 'the CFA crew' which you can read over here. The heroine's name is Cathy Kattz and the hero's is Leo Lionheart.

. 21.08.09 freak characters .

The first is tall, slick and slender, with fiery, orange hair that matched his goggles. His demeanour is quiet and indifferent to almost anything. His suit is black as night and his shirt is the azure-blue of daytime, with white stripes, like pyjamas.  Strangely he wore blue fuzzy bedroom slippers as well, and a large wristwatch that kept time of many worlds. His name was Delucian (delusion). He comes and goes like a shadow in your dreams.

The second is his mischievous friend who wears a suit entirely of vertical, thick black and white stripes. His eyes are black with yellow pupils and he has rows of small, sharp teeth which went well with his crooked smile. His tongue is long and twisting, and black as charcoal. Despite his appearance, he is more rumbunctious than dangerous. His name is Nytscare (nightmare). You may not always see him, but he's there laughing at your fears.

The third is not a friend and maybe neither a foe and curiosity wraps about her like a well tailored scarf. She has thick, big, blonde hair that divides into two ponytails. She wears a black, gothic ensemble and her eyes are huge and glassy, like golden marbles. Her cheeks are peppered with a slight pink and her lips, a rosy gloss, looking like a painted doll. She goes by the name Ensomny (insomnia). Just like her victims, she never sleeps.

This is their story:

In a void where colors mix and splurge on the face of air, like Picasso taking place of entities of reality: In the domain of the Sleepless. This domain is no secret hideout of any kind for every single being that sleeps arrive in this world, day in, day out. 

You just never realize it.

"Hey Delucian!" a raspy voice calls, mist oozing from between his jagged teeth, "I've been watching you~~" "How flattering." a more suave but monotonous voice replies. With his long, ivory fingers, he turns a page in his book, longing not to be disturbed. "Aaw don't play dumb, Delucian~~ Who's the girl?" the shorter one asks as he hangs upside down, by his knees on a bar that materialized out of nothingness. "She your girlfriend?" he cackles, his charcoal tongue smacking the ends of his crooked mouth.

"I was hoping you could tell me, Nytscare. This hasn't been the first time I've seen her and her detection goes unnoticed. Is she one of ours?" his bored tone goes unchanged. He closes his book with care and starts walking toward a wall of, what seem to be, surveillance screens. Buzzing itching noises with white and black lines all over. The other rushes over and leaps onto a wheelie chair. After spinning two or three times, he rests both of his feet on the desk in front of him, "Well she ain't a girl of mine thass fa sure. Maybe a dream gone rogue?" "That's the dilemma. If she really was a dream, the radar should have picked her up but it never does. I've been seeing her a lot lately."

"Not somethin I'd complain bout - OOH! Look! A good scare's on!" he takes the remote and on the large screen there appears a man. He's in complete darkness with nothing but a spotlight over him. He's shivering in his own fear as his worst nightmares inch closer and closer. Their faces of cuddly innocence slowly dissolve into those of deranged, blood thirsty creatures. The man screams.

"Aah~~ Nothin like a good ol' nightmare to beat the time! Popcorn?" he hands a bucket to his partner who immediately passes. "You know we don't eat." he remarks. "I know but that don't mean we can't! Plus it's caramel!" the other chuckles, gorging into the buttery goodness, listening to the screams of a grown man. "Wuss."

"I'm needed somewhere so excuse me."

"Yeah, yeah, you go. I can do my business just fine from here, he he he~~" he reaches for the remote again to see what other scares are on.

The tall man with fiery hair and amber goggles rips a fabric through time, space and reality like fragile silk and steps onto cold hardwood floor. His client sits on the floor as well, next to her bed. She clutches her knees to her face and she looks like she's mumbling something. Her eyes are half-closed. 'A false alarm?' The man thinks to himself. 'Maybe the radar needs fixing... this one is still awake.' Just as he turns around to leave, she is there; the porcelain doll with gold, marble eyes. 'You again?'

The girl ignores him and walks over to the human woman. She kneels down and just stares at her, doing nothing otherwise. The woman, still mumbling. "Who are you?" Delucian asks her, but the girl keeps silent, her eyes not moving. "Are you a Sleepless?" he asks and this time her eyes move to the corners and stare past the amber goggles. "Is this human your responsibility? If so, which one are you?"

The girl says not a word and looks back at her client. Without losing his patience, he too kneels in closer to both the girl and the human and with this, he could hear what the woman had been uttering all this while, "E-e-en...s-s-om..n-n..y-y-y..."

. 15.09.09 the end .

Woke up again. I found two cats cozy at my feet. Lily and her big black eyes staring back at me. Creepy. Ok, back to sleep.

The last dream was a little enigmatic. Didn't make sense to me either after that. I was an angsty girl who had problems with her father, whom I remember was a handsome man with short blonde hair. For some reason there was something I could never forgive him for. I was hiding in my secret place, an abandoned shack in a remote area.

I was angsty and depressed. And while listening to heavy music, I was pouring gasoline all over the place. I guess I was planning suicide, burning the place down with me in it. Along with being angsty, my legs had some kind of injury where even though healed, I couldn't walk properly. I finally lit a match and threw it into a puddle of gas and the fire was starting.

I went outside the shack and my father was outside, distraught. I don't remember what I kept saying but I still wasn't forgiving him I suppose. I had trouble going back into the shack because my kneecaps felt heavy and I had problems walking up the hill. I called myself a retard for having such legs.

Just then in the distance, I hear someone calling me big sister and calling our dad. It was my sibling running towards us. I wanted to hurry and get inside the burning shack but to my surprise, there was no fire. Instead, the shack was covered in greenery. Bushes, vines, flowers.

The dream stops there.


Yup. I didn't understand it either. I know there's a message in there somewhere..... just... don't have the foggiest idea what it is.... Do YOU?

. 15.09.09 part two .

Woke up because it was getting warm and I kicked off my blanket. Fell back asleep to continue dreaming...

This time it was about the Avatar, that kids show from Nickelodeon. I'm a huge fan~ Anyways the story is some monk told Aang that an old friend of his needed his help. She stayed on a small island in the middle of the pacific. She was half-shark, half human; some sort of mystical creature - the reason she hadn't aged after 100 years since Aang's disappearance. Aang said her name was Zoot.

My role in the dream was the ocean spirit apparently. Something happened to Appa, Aang's flying air bison, so the gang used an air balloon instead. Unfortunately there was a storm and I witnessed them having difficulties until they crashed into the water hard. As the ocean spirit I guided their basket to safer waters and shielded them from harm.

I never got to see Aang's meeting with Zoot sadly.


Avatar!!! I still wish there'd be a book four though, to wrap up the loose ends. What I want to know is where IS Zuko's mother???! I hope she's not dead!! But what I really dread is the Avatar real live movie that's coming in 2010. They've already screwed the casting... I mean come ON! What the hell are you doing casting the Slumdog Millionare as Zuko?? I don't care if the directors is that guy who did Lady in the Water or the Happening. You f#ck this one up, you're a dead man.

EDIT: Sure enough, its 2010 now and the movie was a flop. It's the centre of many harsh critiques by not only fans but artists on deviantart who thought the storyboarding and flow of the story could have been better. As expected, you just can't summarize a whole cartoon series in one single movie. The Star newspaper rated it one star out of five. I give it none, and I didn't even need to watch it. Youtube has ample proof, which still made me sick.

. 15.09.09 part one .

I woke up twice so there's three dreams, one not really related to another.

The first one was about an old toy of mine. It's a plastic crocodile, about almost my arms length from the tip of its nose to its tail. I was sort of like bashing it on the floor for some reason. Maybe releasing stress? I dunno but I was beating it to a pulp. Then I let go of it for a second and placed it on the ground and just looked at it. Suddenly it blinked!

I'm like WTF?? So I start hitting it again, and twisting it, causing it pain I suppose so that it would scream. I wanted to make sure it was alive that way, strangely. But it didn't scream, like it didn't feel pain. So then I closed its mouth.... and blocked its nostrils with two of my fingers.

Then it started suffocating and was wriggling, trying to breath. “OMG!! You ARE alive!!!” so I let go and apologized for bashing it so much. “If you were alive, and I was hurting you, why didn't you say something?”

Some how or rather we started to converse about stuff. Slowly its crocodile head started to change into that homicidal doll, Chucky. Not exactly, but it was close and that sort of freaked me out a little. When I talked, I even sounded scared, but he didn't do anything scary though.

Then he said, his voice creepy but sounded awfully familiar, “Think about it? Won't people pay great bucks to see a live, talking doll?”

“I thought I'd just sell you on ebay to the highest bidder. But then you'd have to belong to someone else.” I said as a joke. But then I told him the worldwide economy was going bad, “And our local currency isn't much when you convert it to US dollars. It's about five or six times smaller.”

“Aw dangit! That cheap??”

Things change drastically when my crocodile changed into Beatlejuice! No wonder his voice was raspy and familiar! All of a sudden I began saying I was a big fan of him and then Lydia appeared! In a white dress, which is weird because she was supposed to be gothic and always wear black... Ha ha she was saying how Beatlejuice gets all the fans and she and other characters don't have as many.

The rest of the dream was about Beatlejuice scaring some random people. He is of course the ghost with the most. Lydia and I just watched and laughed.


Chucky the homicidal doll from Childsplay was the first movie to give me nightmares. After watching it when I was four, I stayed up the whole night... However Beatlejuice has been one of my favorite ghoul characters ever since watching the movie and finding clips of his cartoons on youtube. Go look it up! This dream continues in part two.

. 06.09.09 Pam's hotel .

The night before I was watching Blonde and Blonder starring Pamela Anderson and Denice Richards. Yeah, it was pretty funny. But why did my dream have to include them and the detective who was tracking them down?

We were all squeezed in a blue car, the detective at the wheel but somehow he had problems driving. Maybe it's because in America, the steering wheel was on the left and Malaysia, ours was on the right. Whatever reason he was taking time and I said, “Oh for crying out loud, I'll drive!” and I did. Pamela said that they needed to get somewhere fast! Somewhere called the Pam's Hotel.

I thought 'Pam'... does that mean she owned it? Surprising enough she said her father owned it. I didn't remember any of that from the movie but oh well. Driving with no directions, the premise seems familiar. Turns out it was the residences area behind my school. I knew my way around but I didn't remember any hotel there... Maybe a flat but no hotel.

Suddenly the car and the characters disappeared and I was left running, for some reason in slow motion, through the area, still trying to find the damned hotel. Then I get a call from Dee that WE were supposed to meet up at the hotel. OK! Gotta find this hotel! Maybe there's cake again!

I run and run, still in slow motion and it felt like my feet didn't even touch the ground, and I accidentally burst into this house with two old chinese ladies. I asked if they knew where the hotel was and they exclaimed, “Oh! It's just down the road! Down the road! Can't miss it! It's the only hotel there!” they said, not really angry I trespassed. I told them that my school was around here and that all this time I didn't know of the hotel, but I didn't think they heard me so I went on my way.

I run until I finally find this hotel, which from the outside looks like a real dingy flat. Sure enough a big sign said PAM'S HOTEL and suddenly I'm inside... And the architecture was... well impossible. There were levels and levels and levels of floors, not really attached, not really floating. There were stairs but the scariest thing was there were no bars at the ends of the floors to keep you from falling to the ground floor.

I found myself on a floor platform and I look down and you get that fear of height hitting you right in the stomach. Then I see Sano, Dee and Huda waiting for me on the opposite platform. There was no other way for me to reach them except jump over. With great anxiety, even knowing this was a dream, I jumped and made it but I was tipping over!! AaaaH!!

I almost slipped off the platform and fall but Sano caught me just in time. I remember he had his arms around my waist. When I was saved, we flew apart right away cus we weren't supposed to touch each other and he apologized. “You saved my life dood, so no prob!” I kinda replied.


I'm having Sano in my dreams a lot lately... Why is that I wonder...

. zombie hunters .

An old, adventurous dream. How did I forget to write this one out? Anyways, this time it had me, Sano, Zim and DJ in this huge, sort of decrepit building. We were, yes, zombie hunters. Or exterminators. I don't know really. We were all dressed in black with awesome gear and weapons and big machine guns and stuff.

We were running up the stairs away from the growing zombie mob. We had to get out of the place cus there were too many for us to handle. The first one to go missing was DJ. Maybe he was trying to hold them off at the stairs. Sad.

We reached the top of the stairs and rushed into a room. As we burst the door open, we interrupted a vampire's group playing poker. “Oops. Sorry bout that.” and we exited the room and ran faster than ever, thinking the vampires were also coming after us. I don't know whether they did because I just saw zombies.

We got to another room where the windows had no glass so we threw our ropes down so we could climb out. The zombies were closing in and Zim said, “You go ahead! I'll slow em down!” I shouted to him, “We go together!! Come on!!!” but he stayed, shooting at the zombies and pushed us both out the windows. The ropes were attached to our belts so we didn't fall to our deaths.

Climbing down, with guns in our hands, we reached the lower floor and then the vampires we saw earlier were trying to pull us in from the window!! Gaah!! Gave me a shock and we were shooting them so they'd let go. We were supposed to blow the building up and hand glide down to safety but Sano's machinery was stuck. I told him to share my hang glider but then he told me to go on. He had the detonator in hand.

He went head first to fight those vampires and activated the detonator, forcing me to go out alone. I hang glided down to safety and watched that floor blow up.

Strange thing is, now out on the roadside, that decrepit building was next to our school.


What went through my mind at that moment, when the dream was almost at the end, 'Do I have to rescue people in the school building now? Screw that! My comrades are dead and I'm tired.'